I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
