the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
