Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
