Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
