And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
