brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
