why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
