the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
