I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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