Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
