our cab driver is having phone sex.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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