Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
