If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
