how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
