I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
