let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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