i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
