Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
