This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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