just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's shark week go big or go home
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
