Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
