The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
