I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
