dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
