Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
