Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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