I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my sisters under your porch take her home
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
