Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
