took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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