So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
