so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
