Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
