I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
