matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
