at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize