I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Are my feet made of real feet?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
