hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
