I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
