The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
