i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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