just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize