I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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