You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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