He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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