Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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