You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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