Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she smelled like a LAN party
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
