I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
