How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
