I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
