the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
