Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
