i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
false alarm, still single
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
