did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
