Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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