Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
