i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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