I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
