moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
where does the pee come out of this thing
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
