Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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