Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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