We named our party play list daddy issues
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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