how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
