do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so let's talk penis.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
