btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
