He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
