so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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