Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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