You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's rum buckets o'clock
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
